What to do, and what not to do

Living with flatmates can be one of the best parts of student life, but sometimes things can go wrong. Dishes pile up, noise levels rise, and before you know it you're giving each other the silent treatment over a stolen pot noodle. 

Conflicts with flatmates are normal, but how you handle them makes all the difference. Here's your go-to guide on keeping things civil. 

✅ What to do

1. Talk about it sooner, rather than later

If something's bothering you, don't let it build up. Try to calmly bring it up before it turns into resentment and leads to a full blown argument. 

💬 Example:

"Hey, can we have a quick chat about cleaning up after cooking? It's been a bit tricky for me lately."

2. Use 'I' statements

Focus on how the situation affects you, not what the other person is doing wrong as this will keep the conversation constructive and better avoid the other person getting defensive quickly. 

💬 Instead of saying "You never wash up", try saying "I feel stressed when the kitchen's messy because I can't cook properly." 

3. Set some house guidelines

It's a lot easier to avoid problems than fix them. Agree early on things like cleaning schedules, noise levels or quiet hours (especially during exam season), guest policies and shared costs for items such as toilet rolls and bin bags. 

4. Be open to compromising

If you expect the other person to change their actions, you might need to bend a little too. Living together means not always getting your own way, it's all about finding middle ground so everyone feels welcome. 

5. Give positive feedback

If a flatmate does make an effort to change something, make sure they know you've noticed. Being grateful for each other's kind actions builds better vibes and encourages a more positive atmosphere. 

💬 "Thanks for sorting the recycling today – appreciate it!" 

❌ What NOT to do

1. Don't react when your emotional 

It's important to consider your feelings when it comes to household issues, but it's also important to take a deep breath and think about it before you confront someone. 

Instead of reacting – firing off an angry text message or immediately confronting your flatmate face-to-face – take time to evaluate your thoughts and keep an open mind so the issue doesn't escalate. 

2. Don't be passive-aggressive

Post-it notes, slamming doors, and dirty looks don't solve anything. Passive-aggressive behaviour will only harm your roommate relationship even more. 

If you're upset, talk about it, even if it feels uncomfortable. 

3. Don't gang up on people

Although it might feel more effective, if you and another flatmate are annoyed at the same person, avoid the 'us vs. them' strategy. Group confrontations can feel hostile and make the other person feel isolated or bullied. Stick to one-to-one chats where possible. 

4. Don't make it personal 

Focus on behaviours, not personalities. Saying things like 'you're so lazy' just adds fuel to the flat war fire. Stick to specific actions and how they impact you.

5. Don't expect overnight change

Change can take time. If you actively see someone making an effort but they aren't quite there yet, give them the benefit of the doubt and a bit of patience. 

It's important to remember that not everyone was raised the same way. Try to understand your flatmates' habits and cultural backgrounds before starting an argument.

You don't have to be best friends, but a bit of mutual respect goes a long way. You're all learning as you go! 

If you do need further assistance with conflicts in your flat or house share, email reslifesupport@bath.ac.uk for support.