How to resolve conflict and what we can do to help

Living with flatmates during university can be a fantastic experience, but it’s not uncommon for conflict/arguments to happen. In fact, conflict is completely natural, as we are all only human and it's unrealistic to expect everything to go perfectly all the time. Sometimes we might be too noisy or too messy without realising and your flatmates could do the same. Rather than resorting to shouting matches, addressing these issues early and effectively is crucial for keeping the peace. Here are some easy ways to resolve conflict with your flatmates and how we can help if things escalate.

Open communication is key

Address issues directly and calmly. Avoid passive-aggressive notes or messages as these can get taken the wrong way. It's vital you try to create an environment where everyone feels comfortable enough to speak to each other.

• Example: If a flatmate’s loud music is bothering you, politely ask them to lower the volume or agree on specific quiet hours. If you're open to their requests, they will likely be more open to yours.

Set clear boundaries and expectations

Discuss and agree on house rules early on, such as cleaning, noise levels, and sharing common spaces/items. Doing this ASAP will mean there's no confusion or conflict over what is considered right or wrong in the flat

• Example: Create a rota for cleaning duties to ensure everyone shares responsibilities equally. You could then hang up the rota in a communal area so it's clear who needs to do what job and when they need to do it.

Regularly check in with each other

Regular check-ins can prevent small issues from becoming big problems. Use these meetings/conversations to discuss any concerns and plan activities, but it doesn't always have to be so serious and official! Doing more fun stuff together will strengthen your relationships with each other and in turn, make conflict less likely.

• Example: Plan a weekly/monthly get-together where you can do an activity that everyone enjoys.

Put yourself in their shoes

Try to understand your flatmate’s perspective. Everyone has different backgrounds and habits, so patience and empathy are key. If you can develop an understanding of your flatmate's needs and wants, you'll be better equipt to handle issues that arise with them.

• Example: If a flatmate is stressed during exams, be more flexible with noise levels and communal space usage.

Compromise and negotiate

Be willing to give and take. Compromise is essential in any shared living situation, not just uni. Negotiating is a useful life skill and there's no better time to hone that skill. Most of the time, people just want to feel like things are fair and equal, which might mean you need to step up first to make it that way.

• Example: If your flatmate is away for the week, meaning they can't do their cleaning duties - suggest you'll do it for them if they cover for you another time.

Seek mediation

If conflicts persist, a neutral third party can help mediate and find a resolution. This is where we can step in and provide mediation services. 

• Example: A Residential Life Assistant (RLA) can mediate discussions and offer impartial advice.

How we can help

ResLife team

• Services: Offers support for any residential issues, including conflict resolution and mediation.
• Contact: Visit the ResLife office or email reslife@bath.ac.uk.

Student support

• Services: Provides counseling, workshops, and resources for effective communication and conflict management.
• Contact: Email studentsupport@bath.ac.uk or visit them in person at the 4 West Roper Centre.

Counselling services

• Services: Offers one-on-one counselling sessions to help you manage stress, develop communication skills, and handle conflict.
• Contact: Email counselling@bath.ac.uk or book an appointment online.

Conflicts with flatmates can be challenging, but with open communication, empathy, and a willingness to compromise, most issues can be resolved quickly and easily.