Building friendships in accommodation

Hello and welcome again.

Today, I found myself thinking about all the friendships I have made and sustained during my time in Bath. As I reflected, one question kept coming to mind: Is there a manual for friendship? Especially when it comes to living in accommodation. Some people are very open to making friends, while others are more closed off. But what does that mean for you, particularly when you are sharing a space?

In my first year in accommodation, I realised that, with the exception of one flatmate who later moved, everyone in my flat was an international student. Like me, they were experiencing Bath and international university life for the first time, or at least experiencing it anew. We were all navigating unfamiliar systems, cultures, and routines, day by day.

Everyone needs a friend. Not necessarily a best friend, as those relationships develop organically over time, but the kind of friendship that comes from experiencing new things together. It is easy to assume that this friend will be someone on your course, in your department or faculty, or perhaps someone who shares your hobbies or sporting interests. However, there is also something special about having a friend in your accommodation.

In my first year, I noticed that while I was building friendships with my flatmates, some of them had also formed closer bonds with others in the building who shared similar characteristics such as nationality, course, or hobbies. Even so, there was still space for me. I may not have been as close to them as they were to some of their other friends, but I also had my own moments of connection. I was closer to the flatmate who gave me cheese, the one who brought me cake, and occasionally (because I am human), the Chai King – maybe or maybe not it is because of the many thoughtful gifts they gave me or just how we bonded in the kitchen.

By my second year, I realised that although I approached friendships in the same way as I had in my first year, I did not click with my flatmate in quite the same way. And that is okay. There really is no manual for friendship.

That said, because I am kind, I will share some of my secrets for building friendships in accommodation. Not all of them, of course, and they may not work for everyone.

 

Be the flatmate people can count on. 

• Suggest creating a WhatsApp or Instagram group. 
• Set up a simple meeting about shared responsibilities, like taking out the rubbish. 
• You might even pair people up as buddies, which helps build routine and connection. 
• If you decide to share communal items such as toilet roll, handwash, or washing-up liquid, make sure you contribute. 
• Use shared spaces responsibly and always leave them clean.

 

Be open to connection.

• When you are cooking and someone comes into the kitchen and compliments your food, be open to conversation. If it feels appropriate, offer them some. 
• On special occasions, whether personal or collective, such as birthdays, Christmas, or New Year, leaving chocolates or fruit in the kitchen can go a long way. 
• Be curious, politely, about people’s cultures, courses, research interests, clothing, and where they come from. People usually appreciate genuine interest.

 

This list is not exhaustive, but it is a good place to start, especially if you are intentional about making friends in your accommodation. Do not say I did not share my secrets. I have shared some of my best ones with you.

Success.